There comes a point in life when you look back and see how happy you were and how much doing little things meant to you. All of it feels like a dream as if your every moment passed in just a blink of an eye and you no longer stand where you used to or enjoy things like the way you used to anymore. If only there is a way of getting that spark back in your life. People. . . they always hurt. If you expect something from people, there is a strong possibility of you getting hurt. You can’t change those people because they mean so much to you so, you bear everything just for the sake of those people. They disappoint you in ways you never thought but still you don’t take them as a threat to your personality because come on you’re still not over their charms so you give them more time. You are on stage 1 now where you think they will change because YOU can’t get over them. You think of their selfish and hurtful behaviour of coping with things you might have done or said so you start blaming yourself for their wrong doings.
Now you’re tired of getting hurt. So, you use your brain and think of where the problem lies. Yes, you’re thinking right but no let’s hang around for a bit more and get a clear idea of things as the people patch up and change for some time and emotionally abuse you. So you think of giving them a second chance. Now you’re on stage 2. Congratulations !
After 2,3 days of their sudden change they’re back to their original personality and now they have evolved ! Yes, before only you used to blame yourself for their wrong doings NOW they too blame you ! It’s totally okay because YOU gave them this courage and right to do all these things to you in the first place. Now, you’re completely broken and hurt. No feelings and enthusiasm left in you.
You do things in your life not to enjoy them but because you HAVE to . You don’t feel happy anymore, nothing makes you happy. To your amazement those people will blame you for behaving like a dead person as YOU are ungrateful. Now, you’re on stage 3.
Not feeling happy, no enthusiasm, feeling hollow and sad all the time this is the new version of you only because you chose to stay with those people in the first place and you gave them the right to emotionally DESTROY you completely.
Now you have two ways from here, either you stay with them and prioritize yourself ONLY, focus on yourself and don’t rely on them in any way or you walk away from their lives for the sake of your mental health and peace. The choice is yours.
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Don’t you love a new baby and feel like holding him? No doubt babies are a beautiful blessing from God. Some people get way more excited like over the moon for having one and think their life got perfect after the new addition to the family. Then there are women who get deeply depressed after having a baby which makes then unable to bond with their new baby. Its not something we WANT to feel but some of us feel it anyway.
I had my first baby 22 months ago through a normal delivery and I thought after having him I would be the happiest, my life would be perfect. I would love my baby more than anything else. My baby boy was born at 5pm . I was so happy to see him for the first time. I touched him and kissed him. I loved looking at my little bundle of joy. But things took a drastic turn for me the next day when I took him home with me.
He was a very difficult baby to start. He did not sleep at night and even in the day time our whisper was enough to wake him up. I could not sleep at all. Every time I try to sleep his cries would wake me up. On the other hand I was not willing to let anyone do his work. I would check his diaper a million times. Even if he was asleep at times I could not make myself sleep. I would never leave my house without him pooping. If he poops again outside I would panic so much that people around me got anxiety themselves.
I was stressed beyond limits. I was seriously thinking of giving him to someone who would take care of him and needed a baby. In my mind I was sure that “this baby has made my life difficult and he is the reason of my sadness and unable to enjoy any occasion or anything at all”.
Most of the time I was sad and crying. My baby was not bonding with me neither I was feeling attached to my baby like a mother should. He would cry his lungs out after my touch and I was not able to calm him down. My mom or my husband helped me but still I was not enjoying MOTHERHOOD. It still hurts me to think of my reaction towards my baby after his cries. Breastfeeding him was a nightmare for me. I was feeling bound. I was taking care of my baby as if it was part of my job, just do the task without any feeling. I totally neglected my appearance.
I shared my feelings with my mom but she told me to keep it together and helped me with everything. She would make me meet other moms and they shared their motherhood experiences saying that it’s normal. My mom counselled me about motherhood and I shared everything with her. Then my husband helped me deal with these issues.
I got out of this phase after 9 months of my baby’s birth and started enjoying my life with my baby. My mom and my husband helped me get out of that phase. I did not know why I was feeling like this and what is this disorder. Most of the new mothers don’t know it either. I thought I should educate them from my personal experience so they could relate to it and get help.
After some time I got to know about POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION and I was glad to know that I got out of it with the help of my loved ones. So yes postpartum depression is real and it eats the mind of the new mother.
If any of you out there is going through this phase or know someone who is, please help her out because she needs help.
Help her out with her baby, encourage her to talk about her feelings. Take her out more often. Support her. Always always take her to a counsellor if things don’t get better otherwise her situation might get worse.
I hope you find this article helpful.