What do women really want?

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul, is “What does a woman want?”
—Sigmund Freud

Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the colour nine.
—Will Ferrell

STEPHEN HAWKING, the legendary astrophysicist and a man who has solved some of the most complex mysteries of the universe, was asked what it is he thinks about most. His answer was not very surprising. Which scientific puzzle confounds the genius of Hawking? “Women,” he said. “They are a complete mystery.”

If Hawking, Freud, and Ferrell, two of the greatest scientists and one of the funniest comics of our time, can’t understand women, what hope is there for the average guy? How is he to muddle through the perplexing universe that is Woman? The first thing you need to know in order to unravel this mystery is simple: All women are unique.

That’s right, every last one of them is special. Ultimately, the goal is not to become the world’s greatest lover, or boyfriend, or husband, but to become the world’s greatest lover, boyfriend, or husband of your particular partner. In short, listen to your partner. Her truth is really the only truth that matters. Yet this article will help you accelerate the learning curve, because it also reveals that women possess aspects in common in how they play, work, dream, and love, and those are the secrets I want to share with you. The second thing you need to know is that it is not as complicated as you think.

Imagine you are a tourist in a foreign land, and this book is your guided tour of the heart and mind—and, oh yeah, body—of that sovereign state. Like when visiting any foreign land, you want to be prepared—read the travel advisories, pack the right equipment, study the language, and learn as much as you can about the culture, the history, and the customs. Total immersion. You also want to learn the laws of the land; you should know what constitutes a crime and what the penalties are. No one wants to end up in prison in a foreign country. The Land of Women is no exception.

The One Thing All Women Look for in a Man
What is the number one thing that women are looking for in a man? Six-pack abs? Six-figure bank account? A tall, handsome man riding a white horse? No, no, and no. The number one thing women look for is simply this: trustworthiness. That’s right, trustworthiness.
Trustworthiness isn’t just about whether or not you are a player or, if you’re in a long-term relationship, whether or not you’ve ever been unfaithful. Although those things are fundamental and important to trustworthiness, they are not enough.
What trustworthiness looks like in dating and marriage is this: You are who you say you are and you do what you say you are going to do. It’s about reliability, accountability, and showing up just as you are. Being trustworthy is not just about safeguarding a woman’s body or her children. It’s about safeguarding her heart, as well.

The Two Major Complaints That Women Have
The first complaint is: “He is never there for me.” The second complaint is: “There isn’t enough intimacy and connection.” These women feel alone even when they are in a relationship. In many ways, these are related complaints. These women cannot trust their men to be there for them when they need them. Most of the time, this is about being there for them emotionally: listening to them, caring for them, and safeguarding their hearts.

A Tune-Up
Women want men who are there for them when they need them. They want men who are interested in them and who care about them. Woman need to feel respected, heard, and connected.
So where can you buy a can of attunement? You can’t. But you can learn it. It’s not complex. It’s not rocket science. And it has a handy acronym, so the next time you’re with a woman you can think: Just A-TT-U-N-E.

ATTEND

Give your undivided attention when it’s needed. This means that if a woman wants to talk to you, turn off the game, put away your cell phone, and show by your actions that you care about her and about what she is saying. Even if it is the minutiae of her day or something that seems unimportant to you, it is important to her and is a request for connection. If you are on a date, direct your attention to the woman you are with. No scanning the room, no checking out other women, no texting your buddies during dinner. Attention equals affection. Attention ultimately is how you express love.

TURN TOWARD
This is not a metaphor or a new age expression. Physically. Turn. Toward. Your. Partner. Women equate intimacy with conversation that is face-to-face and eyeball-to-eyeball. Unless you and your woman are about to take down a buffalo, turn toward her while you talk.

UNDERSTAND
No matter what she is saying, the goal is understanding. And how you get to understanding is by asking questions. If the woman in your life is complaining about her best friend, don’t offer a solution, don’t try to distract her, don’t think of how you can “fix” the problem, don’t make jokes, and don’t minimize the problem. Ask questions about what she is feeling and what it all means to her. This part of attuning is not about saying “I understand”; it’s about showing genuine interest and attempting to understand why this is important to her. Whether she is complaining about her mother, frustrated with her boss, or pissed off at you—let understanding be your goal.

NONDEFENSIVELY LISTEN

If you are paying attention, turning toward her, and seeking understanding, you are well on your way down the path of nondefensive listening. This is especially important if what a woman is talking about or is upset about is you. Don’t react. No one likes to be criticized or feel like they are under attack. But the tricky thing is, if you counterattack, make excuses, justify, or argue, you are only going to be criticized more. Don’t interrupt and don’t forget that any feeling is fact to the person feeling it. Whether or not you agree with her reactions or how she sees reality, her feelings are real to her in that moment.

EMPATHIZE
For those of you thinking you’ve already covered this with the whole “understanding” thing, think again. Understanding is an intellectual pursuit, while empathy is an emotional pursuit. Try to feel how a woman is feeling, even it seems illogical to you. Try to put yourself in her shoes and then think.
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Everybody hurts

There comes a point in life when you look back and see how happy you were and how much doing little things meant to you. All of it feels like a dream as if your every moment passed in just a blink of an eye and you no longer stand where you used to or enjoy things like the way you used to anymore. If only there is a way of getting that spark back in your life.
People. . . they always hurt. If you expect something from people, there is a strong possibility of you getting hurt. You can’t change those people because they mean so much to you so, you bear everything just for the sake of those people. They disappoint you in ways you never thought but still you don’t take them as a threat to your personality because come on you’re still not over their charms so you give them more time. You are on stage 1 now where you think they will change because YOU can’t get over them. You think of their selfish and hurtful behaviour of coping with things you might have done or said so you start blaming yourself for their wrong doings.
Now you’re tired of getting hurt. So, you use your brain and think of where the problem lies. Yes, you’re thinking right but no let’s hang around for a bit more and get a clear idea of things as the people patch up and change for some time and emotionally abuse you. So you think of giving them a second chance. Now you’re on stage 2. Congratulations !
After 2,3 days of their sudden change they’re back to their original personality and now they have evolved ! Yes, before only you used to blame yourself for their wrong doings NOW they too blame you ! It’s totally okay because YOU gave them this courage and right to do all these things to you in the first place. Now, you’re completely broken and hurt. No feelings and enthusiasm left in you.

You do things in your life not to enjoy them but because you HAVE to . You don’t feel happy anymore, nothing makes you happy. To your amazement those people will blame you for behaving like a dead person as YOU are ungrateful. Now, you’re on stage 3.
Not feeling happy, no enthusiasm, feeling hollow and sad all the time this is the new version of you only because you chose to stay with those people in the first place and you gave them the right to emotionally DESTROY you completely.
Now you have two ways from here, either you stay with them and prioritize yourself ONLY, focus on yourself and don’t rely on them in any way or you walk away from their lives for the sake of your mental health and peace. The choice is yours.
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10 wise Carl Jung quotes for a better understanding of yourself

Carl Jung was a famous swiss psychoanalyst and is the founder of anaytical psychology. He was a psychiatrist too. Psychoanalytical psychology is based on the individual’s psyche and the importance of wholeness for each individual.

Important concepts of psychoanalytical psychology are individuation, the collective unconscious the personal unconscious, archetypes, complexes, the persona, the shadow, the anima and animus, and the self.

Today I’m going to share some wise quotes of Carl jung here for a better understanding of yourself and the people around you.

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Want to stay FOREVER HAPPY in your relationship?

Want to know how to have a happy, satisfied and a life long relationship?

Life is all rainbows and unicorn when you fall in love and like spending time with your loved one. You want to be with that someone every second of the day. You like everything they do or say but you have to work for the relationship once the rainbows and unicorns starts to disappear and you notice your partners flaws and bad behaviour, if you want your relationship to continue happily.

Dr. John Mordecai Gottman is a researcher, clinician, award winning speaker, author and a professor emeritus in psychology who did a vast research work on improving the relationships and prevention of behaviours that can destroy a relationship. He concluded four behaviours that mostly predict a couple’s divorce. These four behaviours slowly eat your relationship, destroying it and eventually pushing the couple for a divorce. You won’t know and slowly these behaviours will put your relationship to an end, a dead end.
Here are the Gottman’s four negative behaviour

Criticism

When in a relationship it’s natural for the couple to dislike some behaviours of the other partner. So to clear things out, they talk about it and get to a conclusion. Arguments happen in a relationship. But a relationship gets toxic and impossible to handle when there is criticism on the personality is involved. If one partner criticizes the personality of the other partner like how do you talk or laugh or walk, the other partner will most likely get hurt and attack back and it will lead to a heated argument. So for a happy relationship avoid criticizing your partners personality.

Contempt

Gottman considered this the worst of the four behaviours. Contempt is the most important predictor of a divorce. Gottman called it as ‘sulphuric acid for love’. One can sense the level of destruction this one behaviour can cause from this statement. The contemptuous partner feels superior and show their contempt by correcting your grammar or pronunciation of a word during a talk, mock the other partner and have a hostile humour. In short a contemptuous person disrespects their partner and people don’t like being disrespected.

Defensiveness

If you attack your partner naturally they will get defensive and retaliate in a way you won’t like either. Most probably they will blame you for the reason of every fight as you pointed out something generating an argument. They will save themselves and paint you as the bad guy.

Stonewalling

Stonewalling is emotional withdrawal from interaction as one partner criticized the other partner and they have built an imaginary wall just for the sake of avoiding them during an argument . They refuse to communicate to the other partner during an argument. They develop this habit just to avoid the argument. They don’t react at all, totally blocking to be a part of that argument.

This article is not for self diagnosis purpose. This article is just for a general information. I hope you liked the article.

How to get rid of toxic people

“Negative people can only infest you with discouragements when they find you around… Just get lost and get saved!” Israelmore Ayivor

We can find toxic people in our daily lives. Most of us encounter toxic people either at our workplace, in iur daily lives or we have relationship with a toxic person. People who drain our energies, non supportive, emotional abusers and back stabbers are mostly known as toxic people or negative people. They make us feel bad intentionally. Whether they do it because of their insecurities or their need to feel superior, they still end up hurting us in order for them to feel satisfied.

Toxic people are not hard to find as they have certain tendencies by which they are easy to locate. Some of the signs of toxic people are written below;
Their selfishness can be spotted anywhere. They are quite selfish, always putting their needs before others needs.
They are generally insecure. These insecurities can of because of anything or either any person.
They are egoistic and thismakes them to feel that they’re always right as they think they’re far more superior than others so everyone should listen to them.
They often mislead you. Try to twist things to make you depressed or anxious about things important to you.
They never appreciate others, as to toxic people only they are perfect.
Toxic people are not nice to others. Never say nice things to people and never cherish their feelings.
They are attention seekers and can lie to get that attention. They love creating drama and getting all the attention.
They are never straight forward. Talk to a toxic person and they will never give you a straight answer.
They are manipulators. They manipulate people and situations as they like to feel superior so they have the urge to control others. In their mind people should follow them without doubting them.
Everyone deserve supportive, loving and people who they like to spend time with. People with an over flowing negativity make sure to pour that negativity in our lives too. A small chat with a toxic person can make you feel bad about yourself. They have a tendency to lower your morales that you might end up locking your room and think about your useless existence for hours.

There are ways to put a stop to the nonsense of toxic people and live your life your way.

Speak up
First and foremost step is to speak up for yourself. No one has the right to put you down in any way. If you find someone saying something that you’re uncomfortable with just tell them to stop right on their faces before they take advantage of your inability to say no. Convey them that they should not take you for granted. Tell them to go somewhere else and pour out their negativity as you’re not interested in talking to them unless they have something good, reasonable or logical to talk about. Never ever let anyone take advantage of you or your position.

Do not become a victim
Never indulge in any negative conversation with a toxic person. If you tell them about any person chances are they will most likely spread it making you look bad.
They might manipulate you into gossiping so stay away from them and avoid having long conversations with them.

Avoid a toxic person
The best way to avoid a toxic person is by not interacting with them at all and avoiding them at all cost. The less you interact with them, the less they will feed you their negativity and you will live a peaceful and happy life.

A word of advice is to always be with the people who love you and who you love. Surround yourself with positive people and their positive energy will make you happy and lively too. Spread love, happiness and positivity. Enjoy your life.

Know the type of your dream

Ever dreamt that you were with the one you love the most at some place which is beyond the definition of beautiful?

Or dreamt of being in an exam hall where you run out of time but you didn’t know the answers to the questions anyway.

A dream where you find yourself at an unimaginable serene place not less than heaven or a dream of being United with your family?

Indeed, we all see dreams while we sleep every now and then and in order to understand ourselves better it is important to know our dreams.
It is safe to say that dreams can be categorized into 3 major types, knowingly:
1) Holy/Spiritual dreams
2) Desires/Wants
3) Thoughts/Memories

The first kind of dreams are rare to occur but holds great meaning in them. Seeing God in a dream or watching oneself in heavenly place can be examples of such category. It is believed that these kinds of dreams are highly positive and true but people can hardly understand the hidden messages they hold.

The second type of dreams, which are the desires and wishes of an individual, are more common to occur as we tend to constantly wish for things and it gets imprinted into our subconscious at some time. Thus, seeing a loved one or partner in a dream is merely depiction of our desires which takes the form of visuals in our sleep. Sometimes desires and thoughts are interchangeable and related which makes it harder to separate desires from thought-form of dreams.

Finally, the third type is the most recurring and common type of dreams. Our brain functions round the clock and is never free of thoughts. Thoughts can be memories or current phenomenon. But they get hold of greater part of our dream formation. A person going through break-up is likely to see glimpses of past memories re-enacted in their dreams. Such type of dreams are also a coping mechanism for stress and depression.

Dreams are naturally occurring phenomenon which can not be explained properly by any individual because it has unique value and experience for each individual just like love has.

I hope you liked the article.

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